I think I have discovered the secret to not looking like Darth Vader at the end of my swimming sessions. I believe this has to do with where on the eye socket the goggles are stuck. If they're right in there where they suck right on and never leak, I invariably end up looking like something that rose from the crypt (wrinkly pruned-up skin doesn't help the overall effect either). However, if I position the goggles a little lower so they are more on the cheek bone, they seem to leave a lighter mark which fades more rapidly. This is not proven and I've only tried it twice, but it seems to have positive results and is worth the effort it takes to convince the goggles they don't want to leak when they are not in the optimal position to get perfect suction. Also, it makes sense cuz the closer to your eye, the more sensitive the skin becomes...
Anyway, that is my crowning triumph of the week~ (because, you know, all day Monday I thought it was Friday and all day yesterday it felt like Thursday. I think the rest of the days will all feel like Wednesday. But seeing how my week is pretty much over already anyway, I think it's safe to say I don't need to worry about having more crowning achievements!)
22 February 2006
20 February 2006
our bathroom
Let me describe my apartment: it's long like a train car. The living room and a small room we use as a bedroom are up by the street. Then my room is at the entryway/beginning of the hallway. Then there's a bathroom, two more bedrooms and finally a large kitchen/dining room with a small bathroom and a small room attached. My room has a window at the end of a little alley and the rest of the rooms have windows that go along the side of the alley. My roommate MaryAnn and I share the little bathroom way down the hall.
Our bathroom fan has issues. When you turn it on, it pulsates between sounding like a panicking moose and a dying chipmink. Really not relaxing, especially first thing in the morning or late at night. It also frightens our guests (hahhaha.. that was one of the funniest things ever). Naturally, the one time our landlord was over and we tried to show him, it just purred like a kitten. Last night someone went in our bathroom and I could hear it screeching all the way down the alley coming through my bedroom window. We really expect to get complaints from our upstairs neighbors anyday now- they complain about other things- but haven't heard a peep yet. man, we gotta get it fixed though! it's so obnoxious.
Our bathroom fan has issues. When you turn it on, it pulsates between sounding like a panicking moose and a dying chipmink. Really not relaxing, especially first thing in the morning or late at night. It also frightens our guests (hahhaha.. that was one of the funniest things ever). Naturally, the one time our landlord was over and we tried to show him, it just purred like a kitten. Last night someone went in our bathroom and I could hear it screeching all the way down the alley coming through my bedroom window. We really expect to get complaints from our upstairs neighbors anyday now- they complain about other things- but haven't heard a peep yet. man, we gotta get it fixed though! it's so obnoxious.
redding finally made it on the map!
The newspaper El Pais, based in Madrid, ran a short story about a blind 62-year old woman who just had her 12th child in Redding, CA.
go Redding~ way to make some worldwide news!
here's the address, in case you want to read it: http://ww.elpais.es/articulo.html?xref=20060219elpepuage_2&type=Tes&anchor=elpporgen
go Redding~ way to make some worldwide news!
here's the address, in case you want to read it: http://ww.elpais.es/articulo.html?xref=20060219elpepuage_2&type=Tes&anchor=elpporgen
re: the sanctity of life
This is in response to someone's blog "The Sanctity of Life" posted Sunday, Feb 19, 2006.(I wrote an intelligent response, and hit post, but it went to my blog page and didn't post it at all. *sigh* third time's a charm (I hit something weird and my keys froze the first time) I'll try to remember how I said things and hopefully not leave out any points.... [later] ok, there must be a size limit on replies to blogs cuz it won't take it every time. At least this last time, I learned my lesson and saved everything I wrote, just in case!)
*****************************************************************
There are several things to consider (please keep in mind I'm not offended by your comments, I just want to provide an alternate take on a couple aspects):
First, it's important to note that nobody is requiring you to do anything. Any care that you contribute is for some personal reason, albeit charity, a feeling of obligation or pity, love or respect for your mother... if you help out, I don't know what motivates you, but you have no binding obligation to do so.
It's not safe to argue that severely or even less-severely disabled people are not human, less human/less deserving, or have no potential. There are many outside factors that compound with their personal physical/mental state that leave a heavy mark. Science has shown that the earliest years of a child's life are the most important in their development, and maybe that is when these disabilities are just being diagnosed or assessed, maybe the child was born to parents who couldn't handle the challenge or didn't have the means to face it properly - there are a number of contributing factors that steer the disabled person's life in any of a million different directions.
Although the world has made enormous advances in science and technology, there are many things that we can't yet accomplish and we don't yet understand. The brain is one of science's greatest mysteries. We definitely know enormously more than was known even 30 years ago, but these advances are a mere fray on the edge of the whole topic- it has much to go before unraveling and revealing its secrets. However, when a disabled individual gets dedicated love and attention, progress can be made. Your distant cousin, for example, is autistic and has parents who make a tremendous effort on his behalf; he is now rated at a lower level of autism than in his younger years. Another example: the girl I used to work with has cerebral palsy, and although she can speak and has a limited level of motor ability, her twin sister is nonverbal and has very little motor control. much like the little guy in your home. Fortunately for this girl, her mother is very ambitious and pro-active, and she is currently attending college. She does require 24-hour care, as does her sister, but still she is able to pursue a college education. I saw a video she had made for a high school project, and it was very intelligent and interesting.
Now, imagine if she had been born into a different family, one less capable of providing or even understanding her needs and how to deal with them or make life work for her. In that situation, she might never have been able to communicate with anybody or express what she is thinking, and it's very likely that the people around her would never know her mental abilities, simply since she can't communicate them in the conventional way. In that hypothetical situation (which is undoubtedly real for many disabled individuals), she would have appeared to be just a drooling, barely living, helpless being. You say the ultimate goal for the little boy in your home is that he will be able to have the dexterity to drive his own wheelchair and push a button on a computer. I think the true goal for him is to figure out a way for him to communicate so that he can explore the potential of his mind. It's been proven in other nonverbal individuals with cerebral palsy that the condition affects his body rather than his mind, and that if he could unleash the powers of communication, he would be able to explore vastly more in life than if nobody helps him find a way to communicate. Sometimes the answers aren't as obvious and easy as we expect and take way more effort.
What do these individuals contribute to society? As far as the truly severely disabled individuals go, probably not much that is tangible or calculable in terms of money or intellecual contributions. Take a moment to think about one of your favorite movies: A Beautiful Mind. The protaganist had an illness (I assert that mental illnesses are akin to disbilities), yet in the end he was able to overcome it and won a very prestigous award for his great intellect. Some people rejected him because of his illness, which made him different and difficult to be around, but he was lucky to have others who helped him through the rough times and helped him learn how to deal with it, or at least supported him on the way. What about the other people with his same illness? If they can't give intellectual or other contributions (say their illness drives them to do things that land them in jail or homeless or unable to keep a job), are they less deserving of living a decent life or of living life at all? (here's an interesting article, "Million-Dollar Murray" by Malcolm Gladwell from the New Yorker [issue 2006-02-13 and 20] that is worth a look. He discusses the problem of homelessness and how it is dealt with.)
Also consider a movie that probably isn't one of your favorites: Radio. The protagonist here is disabled young man with less talent and measurable contribution to society, but he was able to forge compassion, tolerance and understanding in others around him. If that's so worthless, why did they make a movie out of it, why do people like the movie? He was not totally dependent like the kids you are discussing, but even the kids you talk about teach people to control themselves and learn positive traits such as tolerance, compassion, patience and understanding.
What about my life? I rarely get calls from family or friends who don't live in the immediate vicinity. That could be counted as an indicator that I am not too worthwhile. I am currently employed as a staff assistant for a research doctor/professor. I suppose the fact that I assist him in accomplishing his great contribution to society makes me a little worthwhile. Before that, I worked as an administrative assistant in the legal department of a global wealth and investment management firm. They are all about making money and getting rich, so I guess if you think life is all about making money and getting rich, then I was a little worthwhile for supporting them in their endeavors. Before that...well, I haven't really contributed much to society, and honestly, I don't foresee myself contributing anything great or worthwhile (in the common sense) to society in the future. So why should I get to live? Just because I can do it independently and because I can express pleasure in being able to do so? I've still had times recently where I shamefacedly have to ask my mom to bail me out so I don't get caught in a pinch at the end of the month. So far, I'm flunking the worth-keeping-around-in-society test.
Frankly, your comments implying that we need to purge our society of these individuals that are different and cause us discomfort sound rather Hitleresque. If we look closer, we will see that the real problem lies not with the disabled individuals, but within the rest of society. Ideally, there would be a compassionate, devoted person lovingly dedicating him/herself to support the existence and encourage the progress of each disabled individual. One of the main problems with that? There aren't that many truly compassionate people willing to dedicate themselves patiently to the cause. Most of us are too selfish, busy and self-centered to offer that kind of service. I know I definitely fall into the latter category and could never do it. I don't have the selfless 24/7 devotion necessary to successfully fulfill the need these individuals have; that's one of the reasons I wasn't able to keep that 24/7 personal care attendant position I had. Some people have it and some people don't. The mother of the girl I helped didn't understand why I couldn't do it, but they had already gone through approximately and attendant per semester before me, so I'm obviously not the only one who couldn't handle it. I think most people wouldn't be able to. Mom is one of the few people who fall into the former category and is able to find fulfillment in doing something that most of us can't handle. You propose that unpaid, voluntary foster care is the solution. Foster care already is voluntary- they certainly don't go around serving mandatory foster care service papers to anyone- and I hope that the people who offer their homes and services to caring for the disabled believe in what they are doing. Unfortunately, most of the people willing to give this kind of devoted service are not wealthy. The ones who could afford it without external financial support are by and large the ones who fall into that latter self-centered, busy category (not to say they aren't good or nice people, just not willing to sacrifice the time, social mobility, etc that it takes to give the necessary attention to these needy kids).
Why should normal kids be given more priveleges than disabled kids? You contend that severely disabled people are no more than animals. Human beings as a whole are basically animals. We have the features of mammals, and all our basic instincts are the same as any animal: eat, sleep, reproduce. We have a more sophisticated brain that has allowed us to develop enormous and varied societies. But when it all comes down to it, we are more or less animals. Not only do we not know what is actually going on inside the minds of these disabled individuals, but it's not their fault they are that way. I think rather than fear of death, it's an innate compasison for humanity that drives people to put forth an effort on behalf of people who can't fend for themselves. It's inhumane to say a society should be cleansed of anything that makes it imperfect. There are many skills that could be developed by learning at the least tolerance for members who are different or less capable. A society not willing to learn to successfully with things that make life more difficult is not only intolerant, but greedy and close-minded.
hopefully I didn't leave out any important points I wanted to make and hopefully it was more or less coherent... this is my third time around so I'm getting a little tired of typing and rereading. I'm not trying to change your mind or make you have charity or love towards any of these people that you think are not worthwhile, but I do hope that what I wrote will encourage you to rethink your position and at least have more patience and tolerance toward things you can't understand or control. I think there are a lot worse ways the government is using our tax dollars that truly should be purged, but I think societal problems deserve a better solution than depriving needy individuals of money and condemning them to fending for themselves in a world that doesn't care.
***
Their response:
Can you imagine what would happen if that money were put into our school system instead? For every 1 of him, we could send 20 people through college. And he's definitely not the only one in the system.
My point was just to make people think about where our resources are going... what are our priorities and why are they important? I don't find programs like this important. And yet I'm required to pay taxes to (indirectly) support the programs I don't like. It frustrates me.
***
My response:
I understand your frustration although I don't agree that it's fair to take it out on the group you are focused on- the foster care system is but the tip of the enormous iceberg we call government. Let's imagine a political cartoon where the Titanic is about to be ripped open on the iceberg: we can label the iceberg "US Government" and we can label the ship "The United States of America". Our nations problems are sure to catch up with us someday.
I guess they pay that much because how are they even going to convince the charitably-hearted people that it's worth their effort. Even the nice people won't do something for nothing or for an average amount. (you could send 20 people to shasta college, but only one to harvard - not including the cost of living- for the price of raising him.) Most of the people I know don't make that much- wealth is inequally spread- I know some people so wealthy (on two six-figure incomes undoubtedly) who just buy what they want when they want it. They rented one of those kiddie blow-up boundy things for their son's bday and he liked it so much they just bought one. Most of the people I know have to struggle and save and still have a hard time breaking even after doing all their shopping at wal-mart and target.
Even like in A Beautiful Mind- his illness wasn't recognized early, it was caught when his behavior was becoming destructive. I don't agree that after a certain point it's not worth the effort anymore.
I'm required to pay taxes for all sorts of programs that I find pretty useless. My point is that these people are still human and deserve care even though they aren't going to improve a lot- any improvement is a success for them. Can you imagine if there were no political agendas to screw up the way our funds are used and allotted and regulated? The n our school systems wouldn't suffer, elder care wouldn't be such and issue, homelessness could be better addressed... We can only dream- people are too apathetic and greedy to do anything about it.
*****************************************************************
There are several things to consider (please keep in mind I'm not offended by your comments, I just want to provide an alternate take on a couple aspects):
First, it's important to note that nobody is requiring you to do anything. Any care that you contribute is for some personal reason, albeit charity, a feeling of obligation or pity, love or respect for your mother... if you help out, I don't know what motivates you, but you have no binding obligation to do so.
It's not safe to argue that severely or even less-severely disabled people are not human, less human/less deserving, or have no potential. There are many outside factors that compound with their personal physical/mental state that leave a heavy mark. Science has shown that the earliest years of a child's life are the most important in their development, and maybe that is when these disabilities are just being diagnosed or assessed, maybe the child was born to parents who couldn't handle the challenge or didn't have the means to face it properly - there are a number of contributing factors that steer the disabled person's life in any of a million different directions.
Although the world has made enormous advances in science and technology, there are many things that we can't yet accomplish and we don't yet understand. The brain is one of science's greatest mysteries. We definitely know enormously more than was known even 30 years ago, but these advances are a mere fray on the edge of the whole topic- it has much to go before unraveling and revealing its secrets. However, when a disabled individual gets dedicated love and attention, progress can be made. Your distant cousin, for example, is autistic and has parents who make a tremendous effort on his behalf; he is now rated at a lower level of autism than in his younger years. Another example: the girl I used to work with has cerebral palsy, and although she can speak and has a limited level of motor ability, her twin sister is nonverbal and has very little motor control. much like the little guy in your home. Fortunately for this girl, her mother is very ambitious and pro-active, and she is currently attending college. She does require 24-hour care, as does her sister, but still she is able to pursue a college education. I saw a video she had made for a high school project, and it was very intelligent and interesting.
Now, imagine if she had been born into a different family, one less capable of providing or even understanding her needs and how to deal with them or make life work for her. In that situation, she might never have been able to communicate with anybody or express what she is thinking, and it's very likely that the people around her would never know her mental abilities, simply since she can't communicate them in the conventional way. In that hypothetical situation (which is undoubtedly real for many disabled individuals), she would have appeared to be just a drooling, barely living, helpless being. You say the ultimate goal for the little boy in your home is that he will be able to have the dexterity to drive his own wheelchair and push a button on a computer. I think the true goal for him is to figure out a way for him to communicate so that he can explore the potential of his mind. It's been proven in other nonverbal individuals with cerebral palsy that the condition affects his body rather than his mind, and that if he could unleash the powers of communication, he would be able to explore vastly more in life than if nobody helps him find a way to communicate. Sometimes the answers aren't as obvious and easy as we expect and take way more effort.
What do these individuals contribute to society? As far as the truly severely disabled individuals go, probably not much that is tangible or calculable in terms of money or intellecual contributions. Take a moment to think about one of your favorite movies: A Beautiful Mind. The protaganist had an illness (I assert that mental illnesses are akin to disbilities), yet in the end he was able to overcome it and won a very prestigous award for his great intellect. Some people rejected him because of his illness, which made him different and difficult to be around, but he was lucky to have others who helped him through the rough times and helped him learn how to deal with it, or at least supported him on the way. What about the other people with his same illness? If they can't give intellectual or other contributions (say their illness drives them to do things that land them in jail or homeless or unable to keep a job), are they less deserving of living a decent life or of living life at all? (here's an interesting article, "Million-Dollar Murray" by Malcolm Gladwell from the New Yorker [issue 2006-02-13 and 20] that is worth a look. He discusses the problem of homelessness and how it is dealt with.)
Also consider a movie that probably isn't one of your favorites: Radio. The protagonist here is disabled young man with less talent and measurable contribution to society, but he was able to forge compassion, tolerance and understanding in others around him. If that's so worthless, why did they make a movie out of it, why do people like the movie? He was not totally dependent like the kids you are discussing, but even the kids you talk about teach people to control themselves and learn positive traits such as tolerance, compassion, patience and understanding.
What about my life? I rarely get calls from family or friends who don't live in the immediate vicinity. That could be counted as an indicator that I am not too worthwhile. I am currently employed as a staff assistant for a research doctor/professor. I suppose the fact that I assist him in accomplishing his great contribution to society makes me a little worthwhile. Before that, I worked as an administrative assistant in the legal department of a global wealth and investment management firm. They are all about making money and getting rich, so I guess if you think life is all about making money and getting rich, then I was a little worthwhile for supporting them in their endeavors. Before that...well, I haven't really contributed much to society, and honestly, I don't foresee myself contributing anything great or worthwhile (in the common sense) to society in the future. So why should I get to live? Just because I can do it independently and because I can express pleasure in being able to do so? I've still had times recently where I shamefacedly have to ask my mom to bail me out so I don't get caught in a pinch at the end of the month. So far, I'm flunking the worth-keeping-around-in-society test.
Frankly, your comments implying that we need to purge our society of these individuals that are different and cause us discomfort sound rather Hitleresque. If we look closer, we will see that the real problem lies not with the disabled individuals, but within the rest of society. Ideally, there would be a compassionate, devoted person lovingly dedicating him/herself to support the existence and encourage the progress of each disabled individual. One of the main problems with that? There aren't that many truly compassionate people willing to dedicate themselves patiently to the cause. Most of us are too selfish, busy and self-centered to offer that kind of service. I know I definitely fall into the latter category and could never do it. I don't have the selfless 24/7 devotion necessary to successfully fulfill the need these individuals have; that's one of the reasons I wasn't able to keep that 24/7 personal care attendant position I had. Some people have it and some people don't. The mother of the girl I helped didn't understand why I couldn't do it, but they had already gone through approximately and attendant per semester before me, so I'm obviously not the only one who couldn't handle it. I think most people wouldn't be able to. Mom is one of the few people who fall into the former category and is able to find fulfillment in doing something that most of us can't handle. You propose that unpaid, voluntary foster care is the solution. Foster care already is voluntary- they certainly don't go around serving mandatory foster care service papers to anyone- and I hope that the people who offer their homes and services to caring for the disabled believe in what they are doing. Unfortunately, most of the people willing to give this kind of devoted service are not wealthy. The ones who could afford it without external financial support are by and large the ones who fall into that latter self-centered, busy category (not to say they aren't good or nice people, just not willing to sacrifice the time, social mobility, etc that it takes to give the necessary attention to these needy kids).
Why should normal kids be given more priveleges than disabled kids? You contend that severely disabled people are no more than animals. Human beings as a whole are basically animals. We have the features of mammals, and all our basic instincts are the same as any animal: eat, sleep, reproduce. We have a more sophisticated brain that has allowed us to develop enormous and varied societies. But when it all comes down to it, we are more or less animals. Not only do we not know what is actually going on inside the minds of these disabled individuals, but it's not their fault they are that way. I think rather than fear of death, it's an innate compasison for humanity that drives people to put forth an effort on behalf of people who can't fend for themselves. It's inhumane to say a society should be cleansed of anything that makes it imperfect. There are many skills that could be developed by learning at the least tolerance for members who are different or less capable. A society not willing to learn to successfully with things that make life more difficult is not only intolerant, but greedy and close-minded.
hopefully I didn't leave out any important points I wanted to make and hopefully it was more or less coherent... this is my third time around so I'm getting a little tired of typing and rereading. I'm not trying to change your mind or make you have charity or love towards any of these people that you think are not worthwhile, but I do hope that what I wrote will encourage you to rethink your position and at least have more patience and tolerance toward things you can't understand or control. I think there are a lot worse ways the government is using our tax dollars that truly should be purged, but I think societal problems deserve a better solution than depriving needy individuals of money and condemning them to fending for themselves in a world that doesn't care.
***
Their response:
Can you imagine what would happen if that money were put into our school system instead? For every 1 of him, we could send 20 people through college. And he's definitely not the only one in the system.
My point was just to make people think about where our resources are going... what are our priorities and why are they important? I don't find programs like this important. And yet I'm required to pay taxes to (indirectly) support the programs I don't like. It frustrates me.
***
My response:
I understand your frustration although I don't agree that it's fair to take it out on the group you are focused on- the foster care system is but the tip of the enormous iceberg we call government. Let's imagine a political cartoon where the Titanic is about to be ripped open on the iceberg: we can label the iceberg "US Government" and we can label the ship "The United States of America". Our nations problems are sure to catch up with us someday.
I guess they pay that much because how are they even going to convince the charitably-hearted people that it's worth their effort. Even the nice people won't do something for nothing or for an average amount. (you could send 20 people to shasta college, but only one to harvard - not including the cost of living- for the price of raising him.) Most of the people I know don't make that much- wealth is inequally spread- I know some people so wealthy (on two six-figure incomes undoubtedly) who just buy what they want when they want it. They rented one of those kiddie blow-up boundy things for their son's bday and he liked it so much they just bought one. Most of the people I know have to struggle and save and still have a hard time breaking even after doing all their shopping at wal-mart and target.
Even like in A Beautiful Mind- his illness wasn't recognized early, it was caught when his behavior was becoming destructive. I don't agree that after a certain point it's not worth the effort anymore.
I'm required to pay taxes for all sorts of programs that I find pretty useless. My point is that these people are still human and deserve care even though they aren't going to improve a lot- any improvement is a success for them. Can you imagine if there were no political agendas to screw up the way our funds are used and allotted and regulated? The n our school systems wouldn't suffer, elder care wouldn't be such and issue, homelessness could be better addressed... We can only dream- people are too apathetic and greedy to do anything about it.
14 February 2006
I may not be a doctor but...
Here's what went wrong: Last night, my dinner was too small- it made my stomach content for about 45 minutes, but I was starving before I even went to bed about and hour or so later. Yesterday I was dehydrated. (Those two points are really important because the tests were to be done while I was fasting, so I had no breakfast to help me out.) This morning they chose the vein that all the nurses think looks so promising, but the really good nurses always reject it for one that I can't even see. It didn't help that she was wiggling the needle around... what was she doing anyway? Trying to stuff it further in? It left a big swollen bruise too. It was also probably a mistake for the nurses to try to turn me on my side after I'd faded.
So I started to feel sick, which I've learned is a precursor to passing out. I told the other nurse and she laid my bed flat. I wasn't feeling better and fought to stay awake as the noises in the room became more metallic (which is a sure sign of passing out. I used to pass out when getting blood samples taken in my youth, so I feel I am more or less an expert.) I started to have very interesting dreams- it feels so good just to let yourself slip away- then I came to and they were all rushing around in a panic. Apparently, as they tried to turn me on my side when I passed out to avoid problems with vomit, I gave a big lurch. I guess that scared them a lot. So to make the rest of the story short, the nurses gossiped about me all morning, and I got kicked off the study.
I'm really disappointed for a few reasons: I feel like this could have been prevented. Last night, as I ate my small dinner I thought, this dinner is too small; it's not going to give me enough to hold myself together with tomorrow during testing. Also, my chances to train like the elites is gone. No more oxygen efficiency for my blood. I waited almost a year to do this, and my boss even was letting me miss so much work to participate. Not to mention the loss of the financial compensation.
You know how when your body needs more protein and iron you have a craving for a steak or when you are lacking nutrients you may not even know of your body just sends you a craving for whatever foods are rich in those nutrients? Well, by this time in my life, I'm starting to understand my body a little and even if I'm not a doctor and can't prove it, I know those are the big contributors to my downfall today.
At least I can eat chocolate again now.
So I started to feel sick, which I've learned is a precursor to passing out. I told the other nurse and she laid my bed flat. I wasn't feeling better and fought to stay awake as the noises in the room became more metallic (which is a sure sign of passing out. I used to pass out when getting blood samples taken in my youth, so I feel I am more or less an expert.) I started to have very interesting dreams- it feels so good just to let yourself slip away- then I came to and they were all rushing around in a panic. Apparently, as they tried to turn me on my side when I passed out to avoid problems with vomit, I gave a big lurch. I guess that scared them a lot. So to make the rest of the story short, the nurses gossiped about me all morning, and I got kicked off the study.
I'm really disappointed for a few reasons: I feel like this could have been prevented. Last night, as I ate my small dinner I thought, this dinner is too small; it's not going to give me enough to hold myself together with tomorrow during testing. Also, my chances to train like the elites is gone. No more oxygen efficiency for my blood. I waited almost a year to do this, and my boss even was letting me miss so much work to participate. Not to mention the loss of the financial compensation.
You know how when your body needs more protein and iron you have a craving for a steak or when you are lacking nutrients you may not even know of your body just sends you a craving for whatever foods are rich in those nutrients? Well, by this time in my life, I'm starting to understand my body a little and even if I'm not a doctor and can't prove it, I know those are the big contributors to my downfall today.
At least I can eat chocolate again now.
12 February 2006
the most tragic thing ever
I didn't want to add this to my noreaster comments, but Friday when I was having a bad day, I suddenly had a flashback to a tragic occurrence last summer. I went shopping with some friends, and I was thirsty so I wanted to buy a dr. pepper or maybe a coke from a vending machine. It was one of those with the clear front and you choose the coordinates of the item you wish to purchase and it extracts the one from that slot for you. I pressed the coordinates for the beverage of my choice, but to my utter dismay it started selecting the orange crush above the drink I was waiting for. Turns out the coordinates label the item above it rather than the one below it. Orange crush is my least favorite soda. I was so thirsty I drank half of it anyway.
the noreaster
The noreaster hit in the wee hours last night. Yesterday morning was clear and absolutely beautiful (we just don't get enough sunshine here in Massachusetts), and I think 10am was the warmest point of the day. High feathery clouds started sneaking in and the day got progressively colder. In the early afternoon you could definitely tell the noreaster was coming. It didn't start snowing while I was still up last night, but this morning it was, and church was cancelled as I expected. The forecast called it a blizzard so I was disappointed to awaken to tiny tiny flakes- I think each snowflake is falling down individually from the heavens. It's not at all like that blizzard we drove through in New Mexico when I was 12. That one had huge, fluffy clumps falling from the sky. I also saw clumps like that in a random snowstorm that hit while my brother, 2 friends and I were traveling in Korea. I love those big, fluffy clumps floating down. I only saw that kind of snow once in Boston, but it soon gave way to the little, icy dandruff flakes. Today the flakes are mostly small, but they are steadily burying Boston in pristine whiteness.
After assuring that church was indeed cancelled, I rejoiced in going back to bed. One thing I like about snow is that it mutes the ordinary sounds that echo off the hard asphalt and sidewalks in the city. Nobody walks around jabbering past our living room window on their cell phones when it's snowing, especially when it's snowing on a Sunday. So I got back in bed and soaked in the delicious silence. Unfortunately that didn't last long as my roommates soon got up. My room adjoins to the living room by a pair of sliding doors, which are utterly useless as sound barriers. (This is the one and only drawback of my room- in every other way, I think it's the best room in the apartment.) Unfortunately for myself, I prefer as dark and as quiet as I can get. This is unfortunate because most people I encounter just don't get that. They don't need dark or quiet to sleep, so why should I? I also like lots of sleep so try to go to bed "early"- early by the standards of any college or professional, not so early by the standards I was raised on as a child. So, when I manage to make it to bed by my goal time, and even when I go to bed hours after, sometimes my roommates will watch tv or have guests over or just talk to each other in the living room, which means they might as well be hanging out in my room pretty much. Anyway, to get back on subject, they all came out this morning and were talking in the living room. One roommate is very considerate and whispers and keeps lights off. One is semi-considerate: uses a low voice and keep the lights low. One just doesn't seem to make any effort at all. (I wouldn't trade any of my roommates- this is the only grievance I have with them.) Needless to say, my blissfully silent morning was ruined.
So I was a little miffed and antisocial - actually I'm still antisocial- I wish I could be peacefully alone today.
My bedroom window looks out down the alley that runs between our building and the next- I'm at the dead end of the alley. My peace was also a little disrupted as a couple men went by with shovels and cleared out the front of the alley so people can get to the trash bins. Now there's an ugly pile of snow at the other end of the alley.
It's supposed to snow solid til the early afternoon then slowly taper off through the evening. I hope we get the enormous amounts of snow they said there was the potential for. I mean, if I'm going to live somewhere that claims to have such harsh, nasty winters, I want it to live up to all the hype.
The snow is piling up on my window ledge. If I lean close to the glass I can see each intricate crystal balancing on the pile. I can also see each as it lands. I guess this is the benefit of each flake falling individually from the sky instead of those fluffy clumps that I love.
The window screens look like they are covered in cave popcorn, and the sides of the building look like a gingerbread house where the frosting oozed out when somebody squeezed the bricks too tight.
let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...
After assuring that church was indeed cancelled, I rejoiced in going back to bed. One thing I like about snow is that it mutes the ordinary sounds that echo off the hard asphalt and sidewalks in the city. Nobody walks around jabbering past our living room window on their cell phones when it's snowing, especially when it's snowing on a Sunday. So I got back in bed and soaked in the delicious silence. Unfortunately that didn't last long as my roommates soon got up. My room adjoins to the living room by a pair of sliding doors, which are utterly useless as sound barriers. (This is the one and only drawback of my room- in every other way, I think it's the best room in the apartment.) Unfortunately for myself, I prefer as dark and as quiet as I can get. This is unfortunate because most people I encounter just don't get that. They don't need dark or quiet to sleep, so why should I? I also like lots of sleep so try to go to bed "early"- early by the standards of any college or professional, not so early by the standards I was raised on as a child. So, when I manage to make it to bed by my goal time, and even when I go to bed hours after, sometimes my roommates will watch tv or have guests over or just talk to each other in the living room, which means they might as well be hanging out in my room pretty much. Anyway, to get back on subject, they all came out this morning and were talking in the living room. One roommate is very considerate and whispers and keeps lights off. One is semi-considerate: uses a low voice and keep the lights low. One just doesn't seem to make any effort at all. (I wouldn't trade any of my roommates- this is the only grievance I have with them.) Needless to say, my blissfully silent morning was ruined.
So I was a little miffed and antisocial - actually I'm still antisocial- I wish I could be peacefully alone today.
My bedroom window looks out down the alley that runs between our building and the next- I'm at the dead end of the alley. My peace was also a little disrupted as a couple men went by with shovels and cleared out the front of the alley so people can get to the trash bins. Now there's an ugly pile of snow at the other end of the alley.
It's supposed to snow solid til the early afternoon then slowly taper off through the evening. I hope we get the enormous amounts of snow they said there was the potential for. I mean, if I'm going to live somewhere that claims to have such harsh, nasty winters, I want it to live up to all the hype.
The snow is piling up on my window ledge. If I lean close to the glass I can see each intricate crystal balancing on the pile. I can also see each as it lands. I guess this is the benefit of each flake falling individually from the sky instead of those fluffy clumps that I love.
The window screens look like they are covered in cave popcorn, and the sides of the building look like a gingerbread house where the frosting oozed out when somebody squeezed the bricks too tight.
let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...
03 February 2006
Autonomous Robot Design Competition
Since I mentioned that I would be going to the robot wars at MIT last night, I'm sure all 2 members of my fan club are on the edge of their seats, anxiously awaiting to hear all about it.
It was held in a semi-large auditorium-style classroom, put on by 6.270 and the Broom Club. Before it started, all the robots were displayed on a table in the hall with their team posters on the wall. Here are some team names that certain of my acquaintances are sure to appreciate (not so sure they'll read this though): Legolas-bot (sorry, don't currently recall the actual name), Unicron ("He eats planets.", came in 2nd, looked like a crab to me), something something something something fhqwhgads (all as an acronym like CWNSF, Esq.), Rogdor the Burninator, and my personal favorite, BiBimBot.
I went with my biologist friend and some of her lab friends. The funniest thing to me was that they were totally laughing at the "nerds" from the moment we got into the room til we left. They're going to the same nerdy institution! They were slow starting, and had some hang-ups. Let me lay the scene for you: On the stage there are two competition areas and various cameras and other devices (this was broadcast on the MIT cable station). Now, these are our brilliant future engineers and geeks and scientist, mind you, and the best they could do was hang some shoddy wood beams from the ceiling then attach what looked like broomsticks (which I suppose is appropriate, since the broom club was involved) at the end of which what appeared to be a webcam was stuck. There were two competition areas, one on the right side of the stage and one on the left (each a large box playing field with a raised center and various balls and some walls as obstacles- I'm sure you can find a picture on their website), and one of the previously mentioned contraptions dangled above each. They must've run out of broomsticks cuz one was two shorter sticks that had been somehow attached.
During the preparations there was a sudden crash and the lower half with the camera fell onto the competition area. So then they had to figure out how to be able to get high enough to reattach it, which they did magnificently with duct tape (again, appropriate, I suppose, as 3M was one of their sponsers). I was amused that this precarious contraption held together was the best the ingenious young minds of MIT could come up with.
The robot wars commenced, this was the final (3rd) round of a double-elimination competition. The first half was rather lackluster since the robots weren't as good. For example, some got stuck in corners, some spun in circles, and some just looked like they were freaking out. Let me explain something else, to clarify: The teams built a robot and had to program it with whatever strategy they thought would give them the best chance at winning. So, the only element of change is that depending on what the competing bot does, it could knock them off course and then they'd presumably have to compensate for that. Sometimes they successfully compensated, more often not, though.
Elizabeth and I ended up being hardcore and stayed to the bitter end- a whopping almost-3 hours of robot wars. We stayed at first so we could get google t-shirts. There were a lot of sponsers, and many of them sent reps to give a plug for the company and lure in the geeks and nerds with free t-shirts, memory sticks and little staplers, the last of which was rather dangerous as they flew out into the audience- they were in boxes, but my life flashed before me when I saw those sharp corners hurtling at me at one point. I ducked and it whizzed past somewhere to the rows behind me. My Open Source friends will be delighted to hear that the Microsoft rep was booed off the stage since he failed to bring any thing to pelt the audience with. Nearly all these reps were proud MIT geeks. (no offense to anyone! It's just interesting to look at the crowd at the robot wars and see what a difference it is from walking around Chico or Shasta College or Berkeley.)
Elizabeth and I were sitting by these obnoxious people (just two, thank heavens) with kazoos. Other people thought they were amusing, but we thought it was a little much. At one point they broke out full force in the MIT fight song:
I'm a beaver, you're a beaver, we are beavers all;
when we get together, we do the beaver call!
Cosine, Secant, Tangent, Sine
3.14159
Integral, Radical, u/dv
Slapstick, Siderule, MIT!
(don't worry, that didn't come from memory!) They were lucky enough get on tv for that one, and since we were sitting right next to them, we were lucky enough too! hahhaha-- so I've had my 5 seconds of fame on the surely well-watched MIT channel.
Bal the Merciless one and the night came to a conclusion. The teams were so excited and so into it; it was really funny to watch. Also the refs would get their faces right down by the competition box and be looking intently and counting up points; it looked like a serious wrestling match! Oh, I forgot to mention the commentators. These two totally nerdy guys were sitting in the front side with headsets on and commentating as if it were a spectator event! At first we could hear them and it was hilarious. Then they cut the sound and just had them on the tv broadcast. Too bad, cuz that would've totally upped the entertainment level for the night!
Tonight just holds a Mahler symphony- can't compete with robot wars, but delightful in quite a different way.
It was held in a semi-large auditorium-style classroom, put on by 6.270 and the Broom Club. Before it started, all the robots were displayed on a table in the hall with their team posters on the wall. Here are some team names that certain of my acquaintances are sure to appreciate (not so sure they'll read this though): Legolas-bot (sorry, don't currently recall the actual name), Unicron ("He eats planets.", came in 2nd, looked like a crab to me), something something something something fhqwhgads (all as an acronym like CWNSF, Esq.), Rogdor the Burninator, and my personal favorite, BiBimBot.
I went with my biologist friend and some of her lab friends. The funniest thing to me was that they were totally laughing at the "nerds" from the moment we got into the room til we left. They're going to the same nerdy institution! They were slow starting, and had some hang-ups. Let me lay the scene for you: On the stage there are two competition areas and various cameras and other devices (this was broadcast on the MIT cable station). Now, these are our brilliant future engineers and geeks and scientist, mind you, and the best they could do was hang some shoddy wood beams from the ceiling then attach what looked like broomsticks (which I suppose is appropriate, since the broom club was involved) at the end of which what appeared to be a webcam was stuck. There were two competition areas, one on the right side of the stage and one on the left (each a large box playing field with a raised center and various balls and some walls as obstacles- I'm sure you can find a picture on their website), and one of the previously mentioned contraptions dangled above each. They must've run out of broomsticks cuz one was two shorter sticks that had been somehow attached.
During the preparations there was a sudden crash and the lower half with the camera fell onto the competition area. So then they had to figure out how to be able to get high enough to reattach it, which they did magnificently with duct tape (again, appropriate, I suppose, as 3M was one of their sponsers). I was amused that this precarious contraption held together was the best the ingenious young minds of MIT could come up with.
The robot wars commenced, this was the final (3rd) round of a double-elimination competition. The first half was rather lackluster since the robots weren't as good. For example, some got stuck in corners, some spun in circles, and some just looked like they were freaking out. Let me explain something else, to clarify: The teams built a robot and had to program it with whatever strategy they thought would give them the best chance at winning. So, the only element of change is that depending on what the competing bot does, it could knock them off course and then they'd presumably have to compensate for that. Sometimes they successfully compensated, more often not, though.
Elizabeth and I ended up being hardcore and stayed to the bitter end- a whopping almost-3 hours of robot wars. We stayed at first so we could get google t-shirts. There were a lot of sponsers, and many of them sent reps to give a plug for the company and lure in the geeks and nerds with free t-shirts, memory sticks and little staplers, the last of which was rather dangerous as they flew out into the audience- they were in boxes, but my life flashed before me when I saw those sharp corners hurtling at me at one point. I ducked and it whizzed past somewhere to the rows behind me. My Open Source friends will be delighted to hear that the Microsoft rep was booed off the stage since he failed to bring any thing to pelt the audience with. Nearly all these reps were proud MIT geeks. (no offense to anyone! It's just interesting to look at the crowd at the robot wars and see what a difference it is from walking around Chico or Shasta College or Berkeley.)
Elizabeth and I were sitting by these obnoxious people (just two, thank heavens) with kazoos. Other people thought they were amusing, but we thought it was a little much. At one point they broke out full force in the MIT fight song:
I'm a beaver, you're a beaver, we are beavers all;
when we get together, we do the beaver call!
Cosine, Secant, Tangent, Sine
3.14159
Integral, Radical, u/dv
Slapstick, Siderule, MIT!
(don't worry, that didn't come from memory!) They were lucky enough get on tv for that one, and since we were sitting right next to them, we were lucky enough too! hahhaha-- so I've had my 5 seconds of fame on the surely well-watched MIT channel.
Bal the Merciless one and the night came to a conclusion. The teams were so excited and so into it; it was really funny to watch. Also the refs would get their faces right down by the competition box and be looking intently and counting up points; it looked like a serious wrestling match! Oh, I forgot to mention the commentators. These two totally nerdy guys were sitting in the front side with headsets on and commentating as if it were a spectator event! At first we could hear them and it was hilarious. Then they cut the sound and just had them on the tv broadcast. Too bad, cuz that would've totally upped the entertainment level for the night!
Tonight just holds a Mahler symphony- can't compete with robot wars, but delightful in quite a different way.
02 February 2006
aggravated and drained
I feel aggravated cuz I think the construction guys finally fixed whatever they thought was wrong with the vent outside my door (although they didn't care if I kept the vents in my office blocked off) because suddenly this afternoon the vent revved up. Now it's not only colder but super noisy. It sounds like the swamp cooler outside my mom's house growing up, or like I'm in a storm shelter or like someone is incessantly shaking a very thin sheet of metal.
I also feel drained today- my eyelids feel like lead weights. Maybe it was that big bowl of ice cream I had right before bed last night- all the sugar did me in. Or maybe it's because I can't have chocolate, cocoa, citrus fruit, vanilla, bananas, caffeine, (coffee, alcohol or tea) while participating in this study.
They cut the MRIs out of my schedule for the altitude study. I'm not sure if it's because it's so difficult to schedule it or if it's because of the metal plate in my wrist... At any rate, I'm disappointed because that's one of the more interesting things, in my opinion. *sigh*
After work I'm meeting Elizabeth and we're going to the robot wars at MIT. Good times ahead.
I also feel drained today- my eyelids feel like lead weights. Maybe it was that big bowl of ice cream I had right before bed last night- all the sugar did me in. Or maybe it's because I can't have chocolate, cocoa, citrus fruit, vanilla, bananas, caffeine, (coffee, alcohol or tea) while participating in this study.
They cut the MRIs out of my schedule for the altitude study. I'm not sure if it's because it's so difficult to schedule it or if it's because of the metal plate in my wrist... At any rate, I'm disappointed because that's one of the more interesting things, in my opinion. *sigh*
After work I'm meeting Elizabeth and we're going to the robot wars at MIT. Good times ahead.
01 February 2006
vascular testing
I had my vascular testing today to see if I can be part of the altitude study or not. (It went fine and I will be participating in the entire study.)
So I had to go in fasting at 8:30 this morning. After discussing the procedures and resigning a consent form since it's been so long, we got down to the long, slow business. So one of the tests they did was to look at my blood flow or something-- shoot, apparently they killed a few brain cells already cuz I can't even remember stuff from this morning!
--anyway, more interesting is what they did: they put an inflatable cuff (like a blood pressure cuff but smaller) around my wrist and another up around my upper arm. They would squeeze my wrist so that my hand turned purple then had short squeezes of the upper cuff to let small amounts of blood through and they'd measure stuff about the flow. Anyway, the did one where they squeeze the upper cuff for 5 minutes which was a little uncomfortable. Then 15 minutes later they squeezed the upper cuff for 15 minutes so I think my arm nearly fell off! It felt all cold and weird, so I think that's what it's like to have a dead arm hooked to you. or something. It definitely felt good to have the blood rush back into my arm! The dead arm stuff was between 11 and 12 and I had been lying back and told not to move and to relax so by then I was way tired of not moving and relaxing, and my back was sore from lying like that, and there was no tv to watch because it would interfere with one of the other tests that was going on also.
So, they also measured my breathing by making me breathe into some crazy home-made looking contraption with tubes hooked up to some tanks and a snorkel-style mouthpiece. There was nothing remarkable about this test except a little bit of amusement for the doctors when they tell me to keep as still as possible and relaxed, and without my hands available for use, get my lips around the mouthpiece. The first one was way too big for my little mouth; it worked much better when they swapped it for a smaller one.
But here's the best test of all: the sympathetic nerve test. (don't know if that's right, but that's certainly what it sounded like! turns out page two, which would tell me this info, of my copy of the consent form is missing!!) so first they try to locate the nerve from the outside. they touch me with a thing that send an electric current into my leg, and if they hit the nerve then it makes my foot twitch. after locating it and feeling pretty good about having found it and the direction it's going, they insert little electrodes into the front (to ground) and the back (in the nerve) and send much smaller current in there and listen to it (and watch its activity on one of those green screens like you see when people have heart attacks on ER or something- it looks a lot like an etch-a-sketch, same technology I think. So, the foot-twitching stuff was pretty funky. When they were kind of on the nerve, but not well, it felt like somebody was thwacking the top of my foot, or flicking it really hard. Then they would suddenly hit it and my foot would give a huge spazzy twitch. They were trying to find a certain part of the nerve, which manifested itself in a specific type of twitch- the upward twitch of the toe end of the foot. They also made my foot do some funky shuffle-twitch. And the whole time I had to keep my leg perfectly relaxed because if the muscles are firing then it totally interferes with listening to the sympathetic nerve. There was once when they were doing it outside of the skin that there was suddenly a lot of clicking and they said, "hear that? it's your muscles or some other nerves firing. try to relax your leg." I did and the clicking immediately stopped. After finding it (which is apparently quite a feat) they just left it hooked up and recording forever (about 2-3 hours I think) and I had to remember to stay relaxed and not move the entire time. I think my heart rate went up the later it got just because my back was hurting and I couldn't move and my arm was aching and I couldn't move it either and I was just stuck there like that forever. The nerve stuff reminded me of that Far Side cartoon (you know, where the surgeons are playing with the guy's nerves and making his leg shoot up).
So that was my first day of testing for this study. Starting Monday I will be signing away my nights to these people and sleeping in their altitude tent. I will also have some other exciting testing days, although they did eliminate some of the more uncomfortable tests, so I won't get poked up as much as I thought I might. I have to find time to keep running regularly so that I can make the most of my high altitude experience- I'll be at 13-15,000 feet, higher than I had thought, so I should get hardcore and do my elite training for the half marathon in may...
I think I'll be able to run 3 times a week at least. oh shoot, only 2 cuz one of those is a swimming day... and the other three days have classes...hmm, I'll have to work on this.
So I had to go in fasting at 8:30 this morning. After discussing the procedures and resigning a consent form since it's been so long, we got down to the long, slow business. So one of the tests they did was to look at my blood flow or something-- shoot, apparently they killed a few brain cells already cuz I can't even remember stuff from this morning!
--anyway, more interesting is what they did: they put an inflatable cuff (like a blood pressure cuff but smaller) around my wrist and another up around my upper arm. They would squeeze my wrist so that my hand turned purple then had short squeezes of the upper cuff to let small amounts of blood through and they'd measure stuff about the flow. Anyway, the did one where they squeeze the upper cuff for 5 minutes which was a little uncomfortable. Then 15 minutes later they squeezed the upper cuff for 15 minutes so I think my arm nearly fell off! It felt all cold and weird, so I think that's what it's like to have a dead arm hooked to you. or something. It definitely felt good to have the blood rush back into my arm! The dead arm stuff was between 11 and 12 and I had been lying back and told not to move and to relax so by then I was way tired of not moving and relaxing, and my back was sore from lying like that, and there was no tv to watch because it would interfere with one of the other tests that was going on also. So, they also measured my breathing by making me breathe into some crazy home-made looking contraption with tubes hooked up to some tanks and a snorkel-style mouthpiece. There was nothing remarkable about this test except a little bit of amusement for the doctors when they tell me to keep as still as possible and relaxed, and without my hands available for use, get my lips around the mouthpiece. The first one was way too big for my little mouth; it worked much better when they swapped it for a smaller one.
But here's the best test of all: the sympathetic nerve test. (don't know if that's right, but that's certainly what it sounded like! turns out page two, which would tell me this info, of my copy of the consent form is missing!!) so first they try to locate the nerve from the outside. they touch me with a thing that send an electric current into my leg, and if they hit the nerve then it makes my foot twitch. after locating it and feeling pretty good about having found it and the direction it's going, they insert little electrodes into the front (to ground) and the back (in the nerve) and send much smaller current in there and listen to it (and watch its activity on one of those green screens like you see when people have heart attacks on ER or something- it looks a lot like an etch-a-sketch, same technology I think. So, the foot-twitching stuff was pretty funky. When they were kind of on the nerve, but not well, it felt like somebody was thwacking the top of my foot, or flicking it really hard. Then they would suddenly hit it and my foot would give a huge spazzy twitch. They were trying to find a certain part of the nerve, which manifested itself in a specific type of twitch- the upward twitch of the toe end of the foot. They also made my foot do some funky shuffle-twitch. And the whole time I had to keep my leg perfectly relaxed because if the muscles are firing then it totally interferes with listening to the sympathetic nerve. There was once when they were doing it outside of the skin that there was suddenly a lot of clicking and they said, "hear that? it's your muscles or some other nerves firing. try to relax your leg." I did and the clicking immediately stopped. After finding it (which is apparently quite a feat) they just left it hooked up and recording forever (about 2-3 hours I think) and I had to remember to stay relaxed and not move the entire time. I think my heart rate went up the later it got just because my back was hurting and I couldn't move and my arm was aching and I couldn't move it either and I was just stuck there like that forever. The nerve stuff reminded me of that Far Side cartoon (you know, where the surgeons are playing with the guy's nerves and making his leg shoot up).
So that was my first day of testing for this study. Starting Monday I will be signing away my nights to these people and sleeping in their altitude tent. I will also have some other exciting testing days, although they did eliminate some of the more uncomfortable tests, so I won't get poked up as much as I thought I might. I have to find time to keep running regularly so that I can make the most of my high altitude experience- I'll be at 13-15,000 feet, higher than I had thought, so I should get hardcore and do my elite training for the half marathon in may...
I think I'll be able to run 3 times a week at least. oh shoot, only 2 cuz one of those is a swimming day... and the other three days have classes...hmm, I'll have to work on this.
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