I love that my roommates and I have a good time regularly by turning on a red Chinese lantern or their computer that is lit internally with some kind of bright blue led and has a clear panel on the side, and starting an impromptu dance party late at night when we should have been heading to bed.
I love it that we watch Bollywood's "Bride and Prejudice" and then go back to all the dancing scenes (pretty much every scene in the movie) and take lessons of the snazzy moves they have in the movie then practice them. I love that it evolves to us putting on the slippers that MaryAnn crocheted us for Christmas and practicing our spinning (one person poses precariously on one leg while the others grab a limb and start running in circles). I love that we are always on the look-out for any hot dance moves that we can add to our reportoire. (I mean hot in the ironical sense; any weird or funny moves we see in a movie or tv commercial or wherever we comment that we need to try it out at the next dance party we attend.)
I love that we can be entertained for the greater part of an hour by going to Google Earth, plotting out our various running routes or walks to work or whatever just to find out we aren't going as far as we thought we were then angling down so we can zoom down them mid-air. ("I'm flying!") There, we did our run for the day. Can I start logging my virtual runs in my training program?
I love that we gather around the kitchen table to gab and teach Jamie how to be mean while we all invariably eat something tasty like ice cream or chocolate then go bowling in our hallway. (We have a loooong hallway.)
I love that we get such a kick out of doing the dumbest stuff!
15 March 2006
22 February 2006
unraveling the mysteries of goggles
I think I have discovered the secret to not looking like Darth Vader at the end of my swimming sessions. I believe this has to do with where on the eye socket the goggles are stuck. If they're right in there where they suck right on and never leak, I invariably end up looking like something that rose from the crypt (wrinkly pruned-up skin doesn't help the overall effect either). However, if I position the goggles a little lower so they are more on the cheek bone, they seem to leave a lighter mark which fades more rapidly. This is not proven and I've only tried it twice, but it seems to have positive results and is worth the effort it takes to convince the goggles they don't want to leak when they are not in the optimal position to get perfect suction. Also, it makes sense cuz the closer to your eye, the more sensitive the skin becomes...
Anyway, that is my crowning triumph of the week~ (because, you know, all day Monday I thought it was Friday and all day yesterday it felt like Thursday. I think the rest of the days will all feel like Wednesday. But seeing how my week is pretty much over already anyway, I think it's safe to say I don't need to worry about having more crowning achievements!)
Anyway, that is my crowning triumph of the week~ (because, you know, all day Monday I thought it was Friday and all day yesterday it felt like Thursday. I think the rest of the days will all feel like Wednesday. But seeing how my week is pretty much over already anyway, I think it's safe to say I don't need to worry about having more crowning achievements!)
20 February 2006
our bathroom
Let me describe my apartment: it's long like a train car. The living room and a small room we use as a bedroom are up by the street. Then my room is at the entryway/beginning of the hallway. Then there's a bathroom, two more bedrooms and finally a large kitchen/dining room with a small bathroom and a small room attached. My room has a window at the end of a little alley and the rest of the rooms have windows that go along the side of the alley. My roommate MaryAnn and I share the little bathroom way down the hall.
Our bathroom fan has issues. When you turn it on, it pulsates between sounding like a panicking moose and a dying chipmink. Really not relaxing, especially first thing in the morning or late at night. It also frightens our guests (hahhaha.. that was one of the funniest things ever). Naturally, the one time our landlord was over and we tried to show him, it just purred like a kitten. Last night someone went in our bathroom and I could hear it screeching all the way down the alley coming through my bedroom window. We really expect to get complaints from our upstairs neighbors anyday now- they complain about other things- but haven't heard a peep yet. man, we gotta get it fixed though! it's so obnoxious.
Our bathroom fan has issues. When you turn it on, it pulsates between sounding like a panicking moose and a dying chipmink. Really not relaxing, especially first thing in the morning or late at night. It also frightens our guests (hahhaha.. that was one of the funniest things ever). Naturally, the one time our landlord was over and we tried to show him, it just purred like a kitten. Last night someone went in our bathroom and I could hear it screeching all the way down the alley coming through my bedroom window. We really expect to get complaints from our upstairs neighbors anyday now- they complain about other things- but haven't heard a peep yet. man, we gotta get it fixed though! it's so obnoxious.
redding finally made it on the map!
The newspaper El Pais, based in Madrid, ran a short story about a blind 62-year old woman who just had her 12th child in Redding, CA.
go Redding~ way to make some worldwide news!
here's the address, in case you want to read it: http://ww.elpais.es/articulo.html?xref=20060219elpepuage_2&type=Tes&anchor=elpporgen
go Redding~ way to make some worldwide news!
here's the address, in case you want to read it: http://ww.elpais.es/articulo.html?xref=20060219elpepuage_2&type=Tes&anchor=elpporgen
re: the sanctity of life
This is in response to someone's blog "The Sanctity of Life" posted Sunday, Feb 19, 2006.(I wrote an intelligent response, and hit post, but it went to my blog page and didn't post it at all. *sigh* third time's a charm (I hit something weird and my keys froze the first time) I'll try to remember how I said things and hopefully not leave out any points.... [later] ok, there must be a size limit on replies to blogs cuz it won't take it every time. At least this last time, I learned my lesson and saved everything I wrote, just in case!)
*****************************************************************
There are several things to consider (please keep in mind I'm not offended by your comments, I just want to provide an alternate take on a couple aspects):
First, it's important to note that nobody is requiring you to do anything. Any care that you contribute is for some personal reason, albeit charity, a feeling of obligation or pity, love or respect for your mother... if you help out, I don't know what motivates you, but you have no binding obligation to do so.
It's not safe to argue that severely or even less-severely disabled people are not human, less human/less deserving, or have no potential. There are many outside factors that compound with their personal physical/mental state that leave a heavy mark. Science has shown that the earliest years of a child's life are the most important in their development, and maybe that is when these disabilities are just being diagnosed or assessed, maybe the child was born to parents who couldn't handle the challenge or didn't have the means to face it properly - there are a number of contributing factors that steer the disabled person's life in any of a million different directions.
Although the world has made enormous advances in science and technology, there are many things that we can't yet accomplish and we don't yet understand. The brain is one of science's greatest mysteries. We definitely know enormously more than was known even 30 years ago, but these advances are a mere fray on the edge of the whole topic- it has much to go before unraveling and revealing its secrets. However, when a disabled individual gets dedicated love and attention, progress can be made. Your distant cousin, for example, is autistic and has parents who make a tremendous effort on his behalf; he is now rated at a lower level of autism than in his younger years. Another example: the girl I used to work with has cerebral palsy, and although she can speak and has a limited level of motor ability, her twin sister is nonverbal and has very little motor control. much like the little guy in your home. Fortunately for this girl, her mother is very ambitious and pro-active, and she is currently attending college. She does require 24-hour care, as does her sister, but still she is able to pursue a college education. I saw a video she had made for a high school project, and it was very intelligent and interesting.
Now, imagine if she had been born into a different family, one less capable of providing or even understanding her needs and how to deal with them or make life work for her. In that situation, she might never have been able to communicate with anybody or express what she is thinking, and it's very likely that the people around her would never know her mental abilities, simply since she can't communicate them in the conventional way. In that hypothetical situation (which is undoubtedly real for many disabled individuals), she would have appeared to be just a drooling, barely living, helpless being. You say the ultimate goal for the little boy in your home is that he will be able to have the dexterity to drive his own wheelchair and push a button on a computer. I think the true goal for him is to figure out a way for him to communicate so that he can explore the potential of his mind. It's been proven in other nonverbal individuals with cerebral palsy that the condition affects his body rather than his mind, and that if he could unleash the powers of communication, he would be able to explore vastly more in life than if nobody helps him find a way to communicate. Sometimes the answers aren't as obvious and easy as we expect and take way more effort.
What do these individuals contribute to society? As far as the truly severely disabled individuals go, probably not much that is tangible or calculable in terms of money or intellecual contributions. Take a moment to think about one of your favorite movies: A Beautiful Mind. The protaganist had an illness (I assert that mental illnesses are akin to disbilities), yet in the end he was able to overcome it and won a very prestigous award for his great intellect. Some people rejected him because of his illness, which made him different and difficult to be around, but he was lucky to have others who helped him through the rough times and helped him learn how to deal with it, or at least supported him on the way. What about the other people with his same illness? If they can't give intellectual or other contributions (say their illness drives them to do things that land them in jail or homeless or unable to keep a job), are they less deserving of living a decent life or of living life at all? (here's an interesting article, "Million-Dollar Murray" by Malcolm Gladwell from the New Yorker [issue 2006-02-13 and 20] that is worth a look. He discusses the problem of homelessness and how it is dealt with.)
Also consider a movie that probably isn't one of your favorites: Radio. The protagonist here is disabled young man with less talent and measurable contribution to society, but he was able to forge compassion, tolerance and understanding in others around him. If that's so worthless, why did they make a movie out of it, why do people like the movie? He was not totally dependent like the kids you are discussing, but even the kids you talk about teach people to control themselves and learn positive traits such as tolerance, compassion, patience and understanding.
What about my life? I rarely get calls from family or friends who don't live in the immediate vicinity. That could be counted as an indicator that I am not too worthwhile. I am currently employed as a staff assistant for a research doctor/professor. I suppose the fact that I assist him in accomplishing his great contribution to society makes me a little worthwhile. Before that, I worked as an administrative assistant in the legal department of a global wealth and investment management firm. They are all about making money and getting rich, so I guess if you think life is all about making money and getting rich, then I was a little worthwhile for supporting them in their endeavors. Before that...well, I haven't really contributed much to society, and honestly, I don't foresee myself contributing anything great or worthwhile (in the common sense) to society in the future. So why should I get to live? Just because I can do it independently and because I can express pleasure in being able to do so? I've still had times recently where I shamefacedly have to ask my mom to bail me out so I don't get caught in a pinch at the end of the month. So far, I'm flunking the worth-keeping-around-in-society test.
Frankly, your comments implying that we need to purge our society of these individuals that are different and cause us discomfort sound rather Hitleresque. If we look closer, we will see that the real problem lies not with the disabled individuals, but within the rest of society. Ideally, there would be a compassionate, devoted person lovingly dedicating him/herself to support the existence and encourage the progress of each disabled individual. One of the main problems with that? There aren't that many truly compassionate people willing to dedicate themselves patiently to the cause. Most of us are too selfish, busy and self-centered to offer that kind of service. I know I definitely fall into the latter category and could never do it. I don't have the selfless 24/7 devotion necessary to successfully fulfill the need these individuals have; that's one of the reasons I wasn't able to keep that 24/7 personal care attendant position I had. Some people have it and some people don't. The mother of the girl I helped didn't understand why I couldn't do it, but they had already gone through approximately and attendant per semester before me, so I'm obviously not the only one who couldn't handle it. I think most people wouldn't be able to. Mom is one of the few people who fall into the former category and is able to find fulfillment in doing something that most of us can't handle. You propose that unpaid, voluntary foster care is the solution. Foster care already is voluntary- they certainly don't go around serving mandatory foster care service papers to anyone- and I hope that the people who offer their homes and services to caring for the disabled believe in what they are doing. Unfortunately, most of the people willing to give this kind of devoted service are not wealthy. The ones who could afford it without external financial support are by and large the ones who fall into that latter self-centered, busy category (not to say they aren't good or nice people, just not willing to sacrifice the time, social mobility, etc that it takes to give the necessary attention to these needy kids).
Why should normal kids be given more priveleges than disabled kids? You contend that severely disabled people are no more than animals. Human beings as a whole are basically animals. We have the features of mammals, and all our basic instincts are the same as any animal: eat, sleep, reproduce. We have a more sophisticated brain that has allowed us to develop enormous and varied societies. But when it all comes down to it, we are more or less animals. Not only do we not know what is actually going on inside the minds of these disabled individuals, but it's not their fault they are that way. I think rather than fear of death, it's an innate compasison for humanity that drives people to put forth an effort on behalf of people who can't fend for themselves. It's inhumane to say a society should be cleansed of anything that makes it imperfect. There are many skills that could be developed by learning at the least tolerance for members who are different or less capable. A society not willing to learn to successfully with things that make life more difficult is not only intolerant, but greedy and close-minded.
hopefully I didn't leave out any important points I wanted to make and hopefully it was more or less coherent... this is my third time around so I'm getting a little tired of typing and rereading. I'm not trying to change your mind or make you have charity or love towards any of these people that you think are not worthwhile, but I do hope that what I wrote will encourage you to rethink your position and at least have more patience and tolerance toward things you can't understand or control. I think there are a lot worse ways the government is using our tax dollars that truly should be purged, but I think societal problems deserve a better solution than depriving needy individuals of money and condemning them to fending for themselves in a world that doesn't care.
***
Their response:
Can you imagine what would happen if that money were put into our school system instead? For every 1 of him, we could send 20 people through college. And he's definitely not the only one in the system.
My point was just to make people think about where our resources are going... what are our priorities and why are they important? I don't find programs like this important. And yet I'm required to pay taxes to (indirectly) support the programs I don't like. It frustrates me.
***
My response:
I understand your frustration although I don't agree that it's fair to take it out on the group you are focused on- the foster care system is but the tip of the enormous iceberg we call government. Let's imagine a political cartoon where the Titanic is about to be ripped open on the iceberg: we can label the iceberg "US Government" and we can label the ship "The United States of America". Our nations problems are sure to catch up with us someday.
I guess they pay that much because how are they even going to convince the charitably-hearted people that it's worth their effort. Even the nice people won't do something for nothing or for an average amount. (you could send 20 people to shasta college, but only one to harvard - not including the cost of living- for the price of raising him.) Most of the people I know don't make that much- wealth is inequally spread- I know some people so wealthy (on two six-figure incomes undoubtedly) who just buy what they want when they want it. They rented one of those kiddie blow-up boundy things for their son's bday and he liked it so much they just bought one. Most of the people I know have to struggle and save and still have a hard time breaking even after doing all their shopping at wal-mart and target.
Even like in A Beautiful Mind- his illness wasn't recognized early, it was caught when his behavior was becoming destructive. I don't agree that after a certain point it's not worth the effort anymore.
I'm required to pay taxes for all sorts of programs that I find pretty useless. My point is that these people are still human and deserve care even though they aren't going to improve a lot- any improvement is a success for them. Can you imagine if there were no political agendas to screw up the way our funds are used and allotted and regulated? The n our school systems wouldn't suffer, elder care wouldn't be such and issue, homelessness could be better addressed... We can only dream- people are too apathetic and greedy to do anything about it.
*****************************************************************
There are several things to consider (please keep in mind I'm not offended by your comments, I just want to provide an alternate take on a couple aspects):
First, it's important to note that nobody is requiring you to do anything. Any care that you contribute is for some personal reason, albeit charity, a feeling of obligation or pity, love or respect for your mother... if you help out, I don't know what motivates you, but you have no binding obligation to do so.
It's not safe to argue that severely or even less-severely disabled people are not human, less human/less deserving, or have no potential. There are many outside factors that compound with their personal physical/mental state that leave a heavy mark. Science has shown that the earliest years of a child's life are the most important in their development, and maybe that is when these disabilities are just being diagnosed or assessed, maybe the child was born to parents who couldn't handle the challenge or didn't have the means to face it properly - there are a number of contributing factors that steer the disabled person's life in any of a million different directions.
Although the world has made enormous advances in science and technology, there are many things that we can't yet accomplish and we don't yet understand. The brain is one of science's greatest mysteries. We definitely know enormously more than was known even 30 years ago, but these advances are a mere fray on the edge of the whole topic- it has much to go before unraveling and revealing its secrets. However, when a disabled individual gets dedicated love and attention, progress can be made. Your distant cousin, for example, is autistic and has parents who make a tremendous effort on his behalf; he is now rated at a lower level of autism than in his younger years. Another example: the girl I used to work with has cerebral palsy, and although she can speak and has a limited level of motor ability, her twin sister is nonverbal and has very little motor control. much like the little guy in your home. Fortunately for this girl, her mother is very ambitious and pro-active, and she is currently attending college. She does require 24-hour care, as does her sister, but still she is able to pursue a college education. I saw a video she had made for a high school project, and it was very intelligent and interesting.
Now, imagine if she had been born into a different family, one less capable of providing or even understanding her needs and how to deal with them or make life work for her. In that situation, she might never have been able to communicate with anybody or express what she is thinking, and it's very likely that the people around her would never know her mental abilities, simply since she can't communicate them in the conventional way. In that hypothetical situation (which is undoubtedly real for many disabled individuals), she would have appeared to be just a drooling, barely living, helpless being. You say the ultimate goal for the little boy in your home is that he will be able to have the dexterity to drive his own wheelchair and push a button on a computer. I think the true goal for him is to figure out a way for him to communicate so that he can explore the potential of his mind. It's been proven in other nonverbal individuals with cerebral palsy that the condition affects his body rather than his mind, and that if he could unleash the powers of communication, he would be able to explore vastly more in life than if nobody helps him find a way to communicate. Sometimes the answers aren't as obvious and easy as we expect and take way more effort.
What do these individuals contribute to society? As far as the truly severely disabled individuals go, probably not much that is tangible or calculable in terms of money or intellecual contributions. Take a moment to think about one of your favorite movies: A Beautiful Mind. The protaganist had an illness (I assert that mental illnesses are akin to disbilities), yet in the end he was able to overcome it and won a very prestigous award for his great intellect. Some people rejected him because of his illness, which made him different and difficult to be around, but he was lucky to have others who helped him through the rough times and helped him learn how to deal with it, or at least supported him on the way. What about the other people with his same illness? If they can't give intellectual or other contributions (say their illness drives them to do things that land them in jail or homeless or unable to keep a job), are they less deserving of living a decent life or of living life at all? (here's an interesting article, "Million-Dollar Murray" by Malcolm Gladwell from the New Yorker [issue 2006-02-13 and 20] that is worth a look. He discusses the problem of homelessness and how it is dealt with.)
Also consider a movie that probably isn't one of your favorites: Radio. The protagonist here is disabled young man with less talent and measurable contribution to society, but he was able to forge compassion, tolerance and understanding in others around him. If that's so worthless, why did they make a movie out of it, why do people like the movie? He was not totally dependent like the kids you are discussing, but even the kids you talk about teach people to control themselves and learn positive traits such as tolerance, compassion, patience and understanding.
What about my life? I rarely get calls from family or friends who don't live in the immediate vicinity. That could be counted as an indicator that I am not too worthwhile. I am currently employed as a staff assistant for a research doctor/professor. I suppose the fact that I assist him in accomplishing his great contribution to society makes me a little worthwhile. Before that, I worked as an administrative assistant in the legal department of a global wealth and investment management firm. They are all about making money and getting rich, so I guess if you think life is all about making money and getting rich, then I was a little worthwhile for supporting them in their endeavors. Before that...well, I haven't really contributed much to society, and honestly, I don't foresee myself contributing anything great or worthwhile (in the common sense) to society in the future. So why should I get to live? Just because I can do it independently and because I can express pleasure in being able to do so? I've still had times recently where I shamefacedly have to ask my mom to bail me out so I don't get caught in a pinch at the end of the month. So far, I'm flunking the worth-keeping-around-in-society test.
Frankly, your comments implying that we need to purge our society of these individuals that are different and cause us discomfort sound rather Hitleresque. If we look closer, we will see that the real problem lies not with the disabled individuals, but within the rest of society. Ideally, there would be a compassionate, devoted person lovingly dedicating him/herself to support the existence and encourage the progress of each disabled individual. One of the main problems with that? There aren't that many truly compassionate people willing to dedicate themselves patiently to the cause. Most of us are too selfish, busy and self-centered to offer that kind of service. I know I definitely fall into the latter category and could never do it. I don't have the selfless 24/7 devotion necessary to successfully fulfill the need these individuals have; that's one of the reasons I wasn't able to keep that 24/7 personal care attendant position I had. Some people have it and some people don't. The mother of the girl I helped didn't understand why I couldn't do it, but they had already gone through approximately and attendant per semester before me, so I'm obviously not the only one who couldn't handle it. I think most people wouldn't be able to. Mom is one of the few people who fall into the former category and is able to find fulfillment in doing something that most of us can't handle. You propose that unpaid, voluntary foster care is the solution. Foster care already is voluntary- they certainly don't go around serving mandatory foster care service papers to anyone- and I hope that the people who offer their homes and services to caring for the disabled believe in what they are doing. Unfortunately, most of the people willing to give this kind of devoted service are not wealthy. The ones who could afford it without external financial support are by and large the ones who fall into that latter self-centered, busy category (not to say they aren't good or nice people, just not willing to sacrifice the time, social mobility, etc that it takes to give the necessary attention to these needy kids).
Why should normal kids be given more priveleges than disabled kids? You contend that severely disabled people are no more than animals. Human beings as a whole are basically animals. We have the features of mammals, and all our basic instincts are the same as any animal: eat, sleep, reproduce. We have a more sophisticated brain that has allowed us to develop enormous and varied societies. But when it all comes down to it, we are more or less animals. Not only do we not know what is actually going on inside the minds of these disabled individuals, but it's not their fault they are that way. I think rather than fear of death, it's an innate compasison for humanity that drives people to put forth an effort on behalf of people who can't fend for themselves. It's inhumane to say a society should be cleansed of anything that makes it imperfect. There are many skills that could be developed by learning at the least tolerance for members who are different or less capable. A society not willing to learn to successfully with things that make life more difficult is not only intolerant, but greedy and close-minded.
hopefully I didn't leave out any important points I wanted to make and hopefully it was more or less coherent... this is my third time around so I'm getting a little tired of typing and rereading. I'm not trying to change your mind or make you have charity or love towards any of these people that you think are not worthwhile, but I do hope that what I wrote will encourage you to rethink your position and at least have more patience and tolerance toward things you can't understand or control. I think there are a lot worse ways the government is using our tax dollars that truly should be purged, but I think societal problems deserve a better solution than depriving needy individuals of money and condemning them to fending for themselves in a world that doesn't care.
***
Their response:
Can you imagine what would happen if that money were put into our school system instead? For every 1 of him, we could send 20 people through college. And he's definitely not the only one in the system.
My point was just to make people think about where our resources are going... what are our priorities and why are they important? I don't find programs like this important. And yet I'm required to pay taxes to (indirectly) support the programs I don't like. It frustrates me.
***
My response:
I understand your frustration although I don't agree that it's fair to take it out on the group you are focused on- the foster care system is but the tip of the enormous iceberg we call government. Let's imagine a political cartoon where the Titanic is about to be ripped open on the iceberg: we can label the iceberg "US Government" and we can label the ship "The United States of America". Our nations problems are sure to catch up with us someday.
I guess they pay that much because how are they even going to convince the charitably-hearted people that it's worth their effort. Even the nice people won't do something for nothing or for an average amount. (you could send 20 people to shasta college, but only one to harvard - not including the cost of living- for the price of raising him.) Most of the people I know don't make that much- wealth is inequally spread- I know some people so wealthy (on two six-figure incomes undoubtedly) who just buy what they want when they want it. They rented one of those kiddie blow-up boundy things for their son's bday and he liked it so much they just bought one. Most of the people I know have to struggle and save and still have a hard time breaking even after doing all their shopping at wal-mart and target.
Even like in A Beautiful Mind- his illness wasn't recognized early, it was caught when his behavior was becoming destructive. I don't agree that after a certain point it's not worth the effort anymore.
I'm required to pay taxes for all sorts of programs that I find pretty useless. My point is that these people are still human and deserve care even though they aren't going to improve a lot- any improvement is a success for them. Can you imagine if there were no political agendas to screw up the way our funds are used and allotted and regulated? The n our school systems wouldn't suffer, elder care wouldn't be such and issue, homelessness could be better addressed... We can only dream- people are too apathetic and greedy to do anything about it.
14 February 2006
I may not be a doctor but...
Here's what went wrong: Last night, my dinner was too small- it made my stomach content for about 45 minutes, but I was starving before I even went to bed about and hour or so later. Yesterday I was dehydrated. (Those two points are really important because the tests were to be done while I was fasting, so I had no breakfast to help me out.) This morning they chose the vein that all the nurses think looks so promising, but the really good nurses always reject it for one that I can't even see. It didn't help that she was wiggling the needle around... what was she doing anyway? Trying to stuff it further in? It left a big swollen bruise too. It was also probably a mistake for the nurses to try to turn me on my side after I'd faded.
So I started to feel sick, which I've learned is a precursor to passing out. I told the other nurse and she laid my bed flat. I wasn't feeling better and fought to stay awake as the noises in the room became more metallic (which is a sure sign of passing out. I used to pass out when getting blood samples taken in my youth, so I feel I am more or less an expert.) I started to have very interesting dreams- it feels so good just to let yourself slip away- then I came to and they were all rushing around in a panic. Apparently, as they tried to turn me on my side when I passed out to avoid problems with vomit, I gave a big lurch. I guess that scared them a lot. So to make the rest of the story short, the nurses gossiped about me all morning, and I got kicked off the study.
I'm really disappointed for a few reasons: I feel like this could have been prevented. Last night, as I ate my small dinner I thought, this dinner is too small; it's not going to give me enough to hold myself together with tomorrow during testing. Also, my chances to train like the elites is gone. No more oxygen efficiency for my blood. I waited almost a year to do this, and my boss even was letting me miss so much work to participate. Not to mention the loss of the financial compensation.
You know how when your body needs more protein and iron you have a craving for a steak or when you are lacking nutrients you may not even know of your body just sends you a craving for whatever foods are rich in those nutrients? Well, by this time in my life, I'm starting to understand my body a little and even if I'm not a doctor and can't prove it, I know those are the big contributors to my downfall today.
At least I can eat chocolate again now.
So I started to feel sick, which I've learned is a precursor to passing out. I told the other nurse and she laid my bed flat. I wasn't feeling better and fought to stay awake as the noises in the room became more metallic (which is a sure sign of passing out. I used to pass out when getting blood samples taken in my youth, so I feel I am more or less an expert.) I started to have very interesting dreams- it feels so good just to let yourself slip away- then I came to and they were all rushing around in a panic. Apparently, as they tried to turn me on my side when I passed out to avoid problems with vomit, I gave a big lurch. I guess that scared them a lot. So to make the rest of the story short, the nurses gossiped about me all morning, and I got kicked off the study.
I'm really disappointed for a few reasons: I feel like this could have been prevented. Last night, as I ate my small dinner I thought, this dinner is too small; it's not going to give me enough to hold myself together with tomorrow during testing. Also, my chances to train like the elites is gone. No more oxygen efficiency for my blood. I waited almost a year to do this, and my boss even was letting me miss so much work to participate. Not to mention the loss of the financial compensation.
You know how when your body needs more protein and iron you have a craving for a steak or when you are lacking nutrients you may not even know of your body just sends you a craving for whatever foods are rich in those nutrients? Well, by this time in my life, I'm starting to understand my body a little and even if I'm not a doctor and can't prove it, I know those are the big contributors to my downfall today.
At least I can eat chocolate again now.
12 February 2006
the most tragic thing ever
I didn't want to add this to my noreaster comments, but Friday when I was having a bad day, I suddenly had a flashback to a tragic occurrence last summer. I went shopping with some friends, and I was thirsty so I wanted to buy a dr. pepper or maybe a coke from a vending machine. It was one of those with the clear front and you choose the coordinates of the item you wish to purchase and it extracts the one from that slot for you. I pressed the coordinates for the beverage of my choice, but to my utter dismay it started selecting the orange crush above the drink I was waiting for. Turns out the coordinates label the item above it rather than the one below it. Orange crush is my least favorite soda. I was so thirsty I drank half of it anyway.
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