hair

This morning, I thought about hair. Hair is so weird actually. It sprouts out of our heads mostly. To keep us warm? To make us attractive? I cultivate mine long. The wind whips it around in serpentine tendrils. and I can't see. What's the big deal about hair? But it's fun to play with: color it, wrap it this way or that, make it flip or curl or go dead straight in whatever way strikes your fancy. or wrestle with it til one of you gives up in exasperation. Boys play with their hair too; it's not just a girl thing. Time for change? Do something to my hair. sometimes I want to shave it all off. just to see what happens. just to see how lumpy and pasty my head is. just to give my scalp a chance to catch some rays and get some vitamin D straight from the sun. hair, hair, everywhere. this crazy wad of stuff on my head.

some goals for '08

1. get brave enough to actually try snowboarding again
2. then do it enough to feel comfortable with it
3. get better at guitar
4. be able to play F, Fmaj7, Fm and Bb so that I can rock Space Oddity
5. get some new moves
6. learn to breakdance
7. learn salsa
8. and merengue
9. bust out with my new moves {and then I seal the deal; I do my moves, I do my dance moves}
10. run more than once a month
11. make some headway on el debt-o
12. eat more vegetables
13. watch more movies
14. especially independent films
15. and foreign films
16. or just watch more dvds with foreign dubbing on
17. find some new music to please my ears
18. SYL
19. take a roadtrip
20. play piano more often
21. whip out the clarinet once in awhile
22. do more pushups
23. and more situps
24. learn new things in my scripture study
25. read the "dirty 30"
26. at least some more of them
27. and more of the classics
28. dress more "professionally" for work
29. naw, nevermind
30. write some songs
31. sing more at home
32. figure out what to do with these half-dead bulbs that sprouted, wilted, yet are somehow clinging desperately to life
33. get that african violet to bloom
34. use up the misu karu that I've had since I was a missionary 2/1: hmm. turns out it went rancid sometime in the last year. well, there wasn't much left anyway.
35. use the tea that my korean friend gave me last time I was there (ah, it's 동글래 차)
36. try making kimchi again
37. dye my nails with bongsungwha flowers this summer
38. not buy any more shoes til I wear out the ones I have
39. same with clothes
40. maybe
41. definitely on the shoes though
42. become a minimalist and purge myself of worldly excess
43. have some kind of garden
44. or if nothing else, get a little rake for my zen garden
45. accomplish the whole emergency preparedness thing
46. have a real food storage instead of just a few cans of tuna and some mac&cheese
47. go backpacking
48. learn math again
49. think about the future
50. remember the past
51. eat more voodoo donuts
52. look at the stars more
53. use up all those blank journals I have
54. sharpen my knives
55. go shooting with the bishop
56. stop wasting time
57. or maybe waste a little more
58. stop spending my savings
59. stop spending, period.
60. take pictures more often
61. make movies (the youtube type)
62. get out in the sunshine more
63. keep in touch better
64. chill out
65. be more imaginative
66. be more hopeful
67. have pretty thumbs
68. give more hugs
69. doodle more
70. go through my recipes
71. try the ones that look like they have potential
72. throw away the ones that don't
73. and make them all legible
74. and organized somehow
75. be less glued to gmail and google talk
76. and stop checking for new blog postings every 5 minutes
77. stop looking for things I know won't be there
78. or wishing for things that I know won't happen
79. find other things to wish for
80. make things happen
81. prepare my lunches and clothes/ironing the night before so that I can sleep longer in the morning
82. use food before it rots
83. significantly lower my winter heating bill
84. survive the long winters
85. make my relationships more meaningful
86. wear gold pants more often
87. wear fake mustaches more often
88. get back to my Berkeley roots and protest something
89. vote
90. know what I'm voting for
91. renew my passport
92. file my taxes early
93. get henna tattoos so I don't think I want to get a real one
94. make world peace
95. or at least peace in myself
96. find something completely new to try
97. don't be afraid to step out of my comfort zone
98. figure out how to use my creme brulee flamer
99. find time to do all this
100. figure out what the heck's going on

German pancakes

German pancakes were always my favorite growing up. For some reason my mom didn't like making them (although they are super easy!)- probably because it's hard to make enough to satisfy the hungry tummies of a million kids... I always loved the crusty butter sizzles on the top and sides and we always loved it when the sides puffed up and went crazy.
Well, Laura and I made a German pancake for breakfast this morning, and it was the most amazingly glorious volcano of a German pancake I have seen in my life! Here are some pics of it (and me in the morning) in all our glory.

3-day weekend

3-DAY WEEKEND!!!!!
No obligations, no plans except to sleep in until I can't stand being in my bed anymore.

one bright spot of hope

I was walking home from work and suddenly realized IT WASN'T TOTALLY DARK!!! just halfway dark. basically fully dark by the time I got home about 20 minutes later. but still. at least there is one little ray of hope in the world!

I got home and a certain reimbursement check was waiting for me (already!) and one of my student loan statements told me I'm almost paid off. it's the smallest of all my loans. but still. so I guess I got 3 rays of hope shining for me today.

deluge

This morning I woke up before my alarm chimed, to the tippety-tappety-tip-tap-tapp of rain. I'm glad I live in the roof because there's something nice and cozy about being cozy and warm and sheltered while hearing the rain pattering down all over. My last apartment was on the first floor, so I could only hear the rain coming at me laterally through the window and it always felt like something was missing with rain coming at me sideways and a roof sitting quiet over my head.

There was a huge clap of thunder (absolutely glorious!) and the rain poured down. It started to sound like it was letting up, and I was glad because I hate being outside in the rain and I knew I'd get soaked walking to work. It did not, however, relinquish at all and I did get to walk to work in it. I had known while getting ready that the cloth tennies I was putting on were not a wise choice for this weather, but I wore them anyway, and my toes were soaked before I even got out of Fort Hill.

Boston has terrible drainage and I felt like Indiana Jones or Joan Wilder of Romancing the Stone as I leapt over, around and through torrential rivers of water that hurried furiously down the roads, swirled in pools and lakes at intersections, I dodged cascading sheets of gray water spit at my by rushing cars, I ducked under my umbrella and skirted shimmering trees saturated with water droplets ready to drop like grenades at the gentlest touch. As I got near work I realized my entire left arm was shiny with rain as well as much of my back and my other shoulder. I like the umbrellas that become so compact I can easily carry them in my purse, but today I felt like Totoro with his little leaf and realized there may be a time and place for large umbrellas in my life, like on days when there is no doubt that it is raining.

At work, I shed my wetness, but unwittingly set my bag on my chair to take a few things out. It left some water spots so I've been sitting forward on the edge of my seat for the entire morning, wondering why water takes so long to dry. I leaned back a little and now my left bun is a little damp. So I leaned forward again. It's rather tiresome. Maybe it will dry before I go home. I did wear some dark blue jeans so that when the rain would inevitably soak me up to my knees, at least it would somewhat blend in. Can't wait to go curl up tonight with some of that new dreamtime cocoa I got the other day.

on the train

sitting on the train I see people come and go
newspapers litter the dark corners under feet
and rip as I shuffle my weight to lean against the side
sitting on the train I see people I don't know
but I do know the shielding bubble
that wraps itself around them as they sit on the train waiting,
thinking, waiting, reading, waiting; the shades go down over their soul
and they wait and think and read until they move on automatic tracks
to the next segment of their journey and the train
steadily conveys them to their destinations. Slow
and steady wins the race, is what they all tell me
is what they shout from every corner and what the chanting masses say
is what I must do to make it to my destination, so I am told.

sitting on the train I see people come and go
I am invisible, a fixed part of the environment
a subtle observer of moments and fragments.
I look at a shoe or a pocket, a tattooed finger or a rosy glow
and drunken breath, a lake of tears in an eye of hurt
and I wonder, what is your story, where
did your shoe take you today, why does your glove have a hole?
and will you let me help you? what other treasures
hide in your pocket and who caused such grief?
People come and go on a train; I want to hear more
My reflection clings like a phantom outside the window
and whispers tales of hurt, tales of glory, disappointment, and some from long before.
My shadowy ghost leans in with hollow eyes, and tells me now it's time to go.

the first half of yesterday's story

some rushed freeflowing thoughts about my dental appt this mornin

so I had to get an impression done for some dental crown thing I'm getting. I am one of the millions who had braces, so I recollected those ol' days of getting impressions and thought, this should be quick and not too terrible.
HA!
dr.R is checking out my lower molars and uses my eyeball as a leverage point for whatever he is up to. Um, yeah, that's my eyeball that you are pushing into my head with the heel of your hand. No damage done though and it was brief so I decided to get over it. then they get ready to do the impression and get out this crazy gun a la style of those crazy super-hold-til-the-world-falls-apart-first glue concoctions that have two tubes and when you squirt them out they mix and the magic staying power is created or something. Anyway. This looked like that, but much bigger, and it was bright pink-red. He squirted that all around the edge of my gums and teeth then they stuffed the tray in my mouth (full of grape-purple junk). So remember how impressions aren't exactly tasty, but they are slightly minty and not revoltingly unpleasant? well, this one was bitter and revoltingly unpleasant. and then they have you pinned there where you can't respond because they have a tray of bitter junk and half his hand stuffed in your mouth. "relax your tongue. open wider." um, right. and my taste buds are scratching my hangy-bob and it's all I can do not to wretch, and I'm already opening as wide as I can. "relax and breathe through your nose" yeah I would if my breathing tube weren't being crushed right now. eventually he moves his hand and his glove is pretty much glued to my face. then he peels off a layer of that bitter purple rubber stuff. no wonder I paid extra to come to this fancy dental place; they are giving me a facial too! I just keep thinking, it's just this one and it will be over soon.. over soon... , like dorothy tapping her slippers- there's no place like home, no place like home. then, since the impression is suctioned onto my teeth, he proceeds to forcefully rip it from my jaw, conveniently using part of my jawbone as leverage. immediately he looks at it, pokes it, and rejects it. "we'll have to do it again" what?!?!? this time they squirt purple around the gums and fill the tray with pink-red. Pretty much the whole thing repeats again and finally it's ripped out. Thank heavens. Then they are like "we'll just wipe some of that off your face. oh! and there's so much on your neck! I'll give you a mirror and you can get it off." what the heck were they doing?? trying to take an impression of my entire head? then I was lucky enough to get an impression of the upper teeth, but thankfully that was like the good ol orthodontic impressions I remembered from years gone by- minty, light pink, I can breathe, it's not all over my face. Finally I got to go. At work I discovered a wad of bright pink gummy stuff in my hair. maybe that's why those fellows on my walk to work were so friendly... (see yesterday's entry: in the space of about a block I got a very enthusiastic how are you/have a great day/be happy!!--musta looked morose and bedraggled with that wad of what would appear to be gum in my hair-- then I got a marriage proposal from a gentleman in a bright yellow, super reflector tape-ified fireman-like jacket at the bus stop. maybe tomorrow, sir, maybe tomorrow.)

some rushed freeflowing thoughts about my dental appt this mornin

so I had to get an impression done for some dental crown thing I'm getting. I am one of the millions who had braces, so I recollected those ol' days of getting impressions and thought, this should be quick and not too terrible.
HA!
dr.R is checking out my lower molars and uses my eyeball as a leverage point for whatever he is up to. Um, yeah, that's my eyeball that you are pushing into my head with the heel of your hand. No damage done though and it was brief so I decided to get over it. then they get ready to do the impression and get out this crazy gun a la style of those crazy super-hold-til-the-world-f

alls-apart-first glue concoctions that have two tubes and when you squirt them out they mix and the magic staying power is created or something. Anyway. This looked like that, but much bigger, and it was bright pink-red. He squirted that all around the edge of my gums and teeth then they stuffed the tray in my mouth (full of grape-purple junk). So remember how impressions aren't exactly tasty, but they are slightly minty and not revoltingly unpleasant? well, this one was bitter and revoltingly unpleasant. and then they have you pinned there where you can't respond because they have a tray of bitter junk and half his hand stuffed in your mouth. "relax your tongue. open wider." um, right. and my taste buds are scratching my hangy-bob and it's all I can do not to wretch, and I'm already opening as wide as I can. "relax and breathe through your nose" yeah I would if my breathing tube weren't being crushed right now eventually he moves his hand and his glove is pretty much glued to my face. then he peels off a layer of that bitter purple rubber stuff. no wonder I paid extra to come to this fancy dental place; they are giving me a facial too! I just keep thinking, it's just this one and it will be over soon.. over soon... , like dorothy tapping her slippers- there's no place like home, no place like home. then, since the impression is suctioned onto my teeth, he proceeds to forcefully rip it from my jaw, conveniently using part of my jawbone as leverage. immediately he looks at it, pokes it, and rejects it. "we'll have to do it again" what?!?!? this time they squirt purple around the gums and fill the tray with pink-red. Pretty much the whole thing repeats again and finally it's ripped out. Thank heavens. Then they are like "we'll just wipe some of that off your face. oh! and there's so much on your neck! I'll give you a mirror and you can get it off." what the heck were they doing?? trying to take an impression of my entire head? then I was lucky enough to get an impression of the upper teeth, but thankfully that was like the good ol orthodontic impressions I remembered from years gone by- minty, light pink, I can breathe, it's not all over my face. Finally I got to go. At work I discovered a wad of bright pink gummy stuff in my hair. maybe that's why those fellows on my walk to work were so friendly... (in the space of about a block I got a very enthusiastic how are you/have a great day/be happy!!--musta looked morose and bedraggled with that wad of what would appear to be gum in my hair-- then I got a marriage proposal from a gentleman in a bright yellow, super reflector tape-ified fireman-like jacket at the bus stop. maybe tomorrow, sir, maybe tomorrow.

just a Monday morning

I went to a dental appointment to get an impression done (a whole story in and of itself, but for another time) and then walked to work. I got about 3/4ths of the way, and some guys cleaning the entry to some apartments were friendly- like not just hello, but have a good day and be happy! (maybe I look overly morose.) Then barely up from that I passed some man who smiled a little too quickly and broadly... maybe he saw me chatting it up with the cleaning men... Then just up from that were some men at a bus stop. One was wearing something like a neon yellow fireman's rain jacket with reflector strips and he asked me to marry him. I said maybe tomorrow. Then he said some other stuff I didn't catch. What's the heck with all these dudes? One thing fo sho: it ain't nothing spectacular on my part (unless they are fond of symmetrical zits on chin and forehead.) I thought maybe I still had some of the bright purple or pink impression junk on my face (I think they were trying to take an impression of my entire head.) Probably, though, it's just what I get for saying good morning to people.

a new year

"I'm going to the gym, to start the new year off right, like most Americans," my boss says as I reach into my drawer for the other half of my Twix.

breakfast (1:26 PM)

A knock on my door and a grand invitation to eat breakfast. I walk to the living room to see a lovely candlelit breakfast arrangement awaiting, and a serenade of Dean Martin's "That's Amore". A delightful sprinkle of joy on my first day of 2008.